Sunday, August 18, 2013

Into the deep

  

I read stories on others' blogs, about kneeling before Sirs/Masters/Daddies. I have admired them for that level of service.  But it always struck something in me, something visceral and tinged with the negative, something like humiliation, which for many reasons is not something that we do. Daddy has always said it was something that he would not ask of me. We have had conversations recently about wanting/needing more, and progressing. He said he had things in mind, and we would talk later about them. 

When Daddy came home Friday I still had 15 minutes left on my shift, and he said he would sit with me till then, and then I could hep him get ready for his shower. When I was finished, he took my hand and led me upstairs and into our room and pulled the door behind us. I stood waiting for him. He embraced me, kissed me, then held his arms out from his side and said, "Undress me." I unbuttoned and removed his shirt, then undershirt, his belt and zipper, he sat on the bed and I knelt to unlace his boots.

Something strange happened. Despite the trepidation that I might have felt, when I settled to my knees before him, this felt like the most natural place in the world to be. I felt a gratitude at being able to serve him in this way. It was a deeper welcome home, it was shutting the door on kids and bills and problems and meals and work and worry. It was Daddy and me in our own little universe. 

Daddy helped me to my feet, and he said, "I know your knees are bad, so I will not ask you to do that often." But this weekend was more open, softer, more connected, he pushed limits and I surrendered to them. And I find myself desiring that act as the way we open the gate to the time that belongs to just us and our family. I found that everything was amplified. His touch brought tears, the fact that I could give him pleasure...in general and intimately brought tears.

Was it because of this? I think it had something to do with it. I think it evoked some profound, visceral response in both of us. It symbolized his gentle dominance and quiet command, and my desire to serve. It was a quiet, simple and defining moment. It filled me to overflowing, and I want to do it again, and again, and again.


HER GUARDIAN:   Her submission is a beautiful jewel burnished in the fire and light of our love.  Every moment that we share is a valuable opportunity to grow stronger together.  I do push her limits gently in small ways that are designed to help us both flourish.  Her devotion to us touches me and I sit here now typing with the glint of a  tear in my eye. I love her and I love the impact that her submission has on us.

9 comments:

  1. May i ask what aspect of being on your knees triggers these feelings of it being humilated..or did?

    I wander if its that idea of it being 'beneath' them? when i look it as a place of safety, its where i look to go for comfort.

    x

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    1. I don't know, tori. It was just a small discomfited feeling, that squiggly feeling you get deep in your chest.

      So many of the things that caused that feeling in me are quieted in the presence of my Daddy.... being proud to be called his slave, being honored to call him Master, certain physical acts that are now the norm for us. Those things... and now being on my knees before him, yes are places of comfort and strength.

      Maybe it's simply some early warning system - making sure that those things were not given to someone who was undeserving of it, who would not treasure it.

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  2. I would love to talk to you about this sometime. Annie

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    1. Sure Annie, you can email :) guardian_chinadoll@gmail.com

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  3. This is such a beautiful post cd, it brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my face. I'm so happy for you and glad it felt like the most natural place in the world. It is for me too and you are right, it does symbolise his gentle dominance and my submission and deepen our connection.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Thanks, Roz. It was very liberating. This past Friday I couldn't wait till Daddy got home. I grabbed his hand and led him upstairs to welcome him home this special way. It is freeing in a way that I could never have imagined, and it speaks more than words of how much I love him :)

      <3
      cd

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  4. When I think about kneeling, it seems silly and I feel silly doing it. When the level of my submission drives me to my knees, it takes us both to an entirely new level. Last night it felt silly at first but the world faded and there was only Dragon.

    Dragon was afraid of causing me unnecessary pain at first. After doing it a few to, he figured out that I will move before it becomes damaging. Now he puts me on my knees any time he wants me in sub space or really wants to get my attention.

    I hope you are both able to work it into your relationship. Kneeling can be a powerful experience.

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    1. That's EXACTLY how I felt, Rose! It seemed silly. But with my Guardian, it just seems natural and warm and delicious. Daddy was too, he said he wouldn't ask me to do it often, but I find that I want to.

      There is much to be learned about ourselves in this life, I think. And I have grown so much with Daddy.

      <3
      cd

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  5. This was lovely -- it's like just surrendering a small part of yourself to him and his care. Sometimes mouse kneels...but her knees aren't so great either so she can't do it for as long as used to either, many times mouse will just settle on the floor at his feet.

    That said, it's not graceful to see ;) but Daddy appreciates the effort. He appreciates the fact that mouse is willing. Also, if mouse might point out -- as we age (sigh -- which is inevitable). We all should practice getting onto the floor and up again without much help. Ok, mouse has gotten off track here....sorry.

    Again, this was lovely!
    Hugs,
    mouse

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