Saturday, April 19, 2014

The language of Daddy's thumb

I don't remember what started it. I don't remember the circumstances. I just remember the feelings. I remember feeling 'ruched', totally ruffled, offended, frightened with a growing edge of anger because I don't like to be afraid. I remember his eyes, calm trying to anchor me. I remember trying to catch onto him, trying to anchor onto his calm, and not being able to.


Then his thumb pushed against my lips. And I, being the sweet, always perfect submissive that I am, pressed my lips tighter and glared at him. He said in that calm, firm, no-nonsense voice that brooked no argument, "Open." I did and he slid his thumb in, pad resting on my tongue. I, being his sweet little girl promptly bit...hard. He said, in the same tone, "Suck." And I did...I'm not crazy, there was a whole lotta "you're right on the edge of a lot of trouble," in his voice. And because I know who I am, and I know who he is, and even when I feel that way, I do desire to please him. As I sucked, the fire started to founder, the electricity pulsing through my veins calmed. Soon I was me again, and with his thumb still in my mouth, I turned into his body, his arm wrapped around me, and dozed.


Not long after, Daddy was giving me a very firm, very owie stress-relief spanking. He was sitting beside me, his face towards my feet. He took pause and lay beside me talking soothingly, rubbing. I pushed my arm out from beneath my chest, wound my fingers with his and pulled his hand under my chest again. My mouth rested above his fingers, and I drew his thumb into my mouth and began to suck. That broke the damn of the emotion, and he kissed me a final time, and resumed spanking, because I needed more, his thumb providing that extra measure of comfort, my tears washing his hand.

Since then, that is something else which connects us, with out the need for words. When I am distancing, his thumb presses my lips, "soften." When I am struggling with emotion, "Daddy's here." When he is spanking me, "always with love." When I need to feel him, or he simply wishes to express his ownership, "mine."


That simple act, speaks so much, so many things, and expresses that connection in a tangible way. It was something that seemed silly and uncomfortable in the beginning. It is now something that I crave. And I guess that's the point.


HER GUARDIAN:  Indeed it is the point. Many times, the simplest acts convey the greatest amount of meaning. Sometimes when we are scared, excited, or uncomfortable in our own skin or mind, it takes a act of love to bring us to a place of love, comfort and rest.  Her comfort and safety in and out of her comfort zone is one of my biggest priorities. I love my little one and even when the answer is a stingy, owie spanking, it is given with love and softness in mind.

6 comments:

  1. Life is hard right now. You need each other more than ever. What a great way to reconnect and find a little balance. Hugs

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    1. It is hard, Rose, I know you know what I mean. They finally started the process, but no hard date yet...at least we know it will be soon - but it wears.

      I am ashamed to admit that I did resist him on this at first. But it is very connecting in a way I cannot fully describe. Now, mostly at night, I wish I had it. It is something else added to the arsenal of things that calm and center me.

      Thanks, need those hugs :) (((hugs))) back!

      <3
      cd

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  2. I can so relate to this. Sir has also stuck his thumb in my mouth and it ... has done intense things to my feelings. It is comforting and calming.

    Hugs,
    Fiona

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    1. Oh, I'm glad, Fiona! It seems silly and trite, and yes, very intense feelings. It seems something so silly, but it speaks profoundly about connection. I love laying with my head in his lap, or against his side, his thumb in my mouth and I can drift off feeling very safe.

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  3. I'm so glad you have wound such a wonderful way to connect and to calm and centre you Cd. I can relate to, Rick has done this too and like you, I struggled against it st first. It does intense things to my emotions too, but so soothing.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. I get angry at myself when I feel that resistance. I do submit to his will, but there is that dark scribble over my head, lol. I confess that to him and he says, "but you let it in, even if you don't want to at first, you're a good girl." I guess we have to learn to be as forgiving of ourselves as they are of us. They do seem to know what is best....wonder how that happens?

      <3
      cd

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